


You Are An Experience

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Implied Relationships, Light Angst, Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 10:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6851188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, you don't realise how much of you actually belongs to them. </p>
<p>Or: Lapis Lazuli's thoughts post-fusion about what it was like to be fused with her stronger counterpart and how she feels now that she is no longer fused. Little bit of Lapis/Jasper implied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are An Experience

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EddieTheCanadian](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=EddieTheCanadian).



> DISCLAIMER: I haven't written for this fandom before and everything is ooc and I'm sorry but I love Lapis Lazuli, okay, thanks for reading anyway! 
> 
> INSPIRED BY: Season 3, woooooooooo!! 
> 
> FOR: Eddie, because I know he hates SU fanfics. In your face, nerd!

**"Fusion is just a cheap tactic..."**

As the spear-arrow pierces their body, they expect to feel pain. 

They, being Malachite, because Lapis Lazuli long ago slipped under and stopped being able to hold up her own. It's been a long time since they've existed as two different people- in fact, it's been far too long and it feels rather like Lapis has been consumed. In the months that have passed, she's been eclipsed, washed away, swallowed by the fusion itself. It's been a long time since she's even be able to call herself 'she' instead of 'they'. She can't remember the last time she thought independently- they think mainly as one being now. 

_She_ is not Lapis Lazuli. _They_ are Malachite. 

They expect to feel pain as their form is pierced and begins to swell up, tearing apart at the seams. Instead, the two gems feel two very different emotions. Jasper is angry. This is nothing new- Lapis has found out over time that there is very little that doesn't make Jasper angry. The gem is irritable, irrational, and it's enough to make their head hurt. On the other hand, relief washes over Lapis Lazuli. The kind of relief that comes only with freedom. 

_"I am free!"_

Instead of the pain they were expecting, an odd sense of calm pulses through them. A odd sense of two beings that hate each other finally being torn apart, somebody finally stepping in to stop the fight. The feeling is cold, like the ocean, and ripples under Lapis's skin. A part of her that once seemed to belong, the angry Jasper, suddenly feels as alien as it did when they first fused. Like an extra arm poking out from between her ribs. And that part that once was her, once was Malachite, is torn away as they separate. 

_They_ are no longer Malachite. _She_ is Lapis Lazuli. 

The stronger part of her disappears and sucks the strength out of her with it. When they were Malachite, they felt unbeatable. They felt like nothing could stop them. They felt as if the entire human rock they were trapped on belonged to them. Maybe all of that was Jasper. Because, not slowly but all at once, the feeling of power vanishes. And Lapis is left weak, defenceless, wondering if she should have worked harder to stay fused. She can barely open her eyes, definitely unable to push herself back onto her legs. 

_"Why is fusion so exhausting? Shouldn't two people sharing a burden be easier, not harder?"_

She feels exhausted, broken, useless. Her strength has vanished. Maybe she's not as strong as she always thought she was- maybe that was all Jasper. She should have held on harder, should have worked harder to keep Jasper prisoner. Because that was the only way she could have held her back. Held herself back too. Who knows what will happen now that both of them are free? Nothing good, that's for sure. 

_"I... Why do I miss her? I shouldn't miss her."_

The feeling of relief is accompanied by a feeling of loneliness. Where somebody once existed, someone always along side here, only a headache remains. It might be true that Jasper was angry and brash but the feeling of somebody existing alongside her is hard to shake. Now, there's nobody working with her in synchronisation and Lapis can't help feeling like something has been taken away. She hated Jasper... But this loneliness that replaced her, is that really any better? 

**"To make weak gems stronger!"**

Yeah, that sounds about right. Lapis Lazuli will never be as strong as Malachite was. 

She will never share her mind or her body like that again; and that's an oddly sad thought.


End file.
